Sorry about my posts and their bad formatting these days. I’m trying to get used to the new stuff that wordpress threw at me.
Behold. The Lusty Linda pen holder:
Um, so…yeah. I found this on Shakesville (via Pandagon) in a discussion of misogynistic toys/gags. I typically ignore a lot of these things assuming only those who don’t get laid or are insecure about their sexual abilities think they’re worth buying, but this one. Well, this one is special. You’ll see why. Lusty Linda, firstly…a personal thing…has a huge hole where flesh ought to be. I get irritated by details like this. I mean, if you’re going to be all super lame and shit, at least get the details right. The vagina is further south.
Now, another added feature of Lusty Linda is that she speaks. Yes indeed.
Let Lusty Linda the pen holder sun-bath on your desk. When you stick in a pen, she will moan, groan or say any of 10 different things. A switch on the bottom lets you set Linda’s mood, from good or bad. (too bad all women did not have such a switch).Lusty Linda The Pen Holder Says 10 Different Things including:
- ooow (ouch)!
- Get out you, you dirty old man!
- What are you looking at?
- Help! Help!
- Oh ooh (excited)
Did you get that? She has a switch where you can set her mood to her reaction to having your pen shoved inside her. You can set her to a good mood, in which case she will moan and purr happily…or a bad mood, in which case she will essentially respond to your harassment or request that you do not rape her. So many questions right now…so many flooding through my head. Such as, if you are the type of a-hole who puts this toy on your desk, how much more of an a-hole do you have to be to switch it to ‘bad mood’ so you can hear her yell (comically, I suppose) for help? Okay, so that’s Lusty Linda…but she is only one of a bad lot. Arguably the worst, actually, but only one. No! You can anally rape a guy with your pen, too.
Hilarious! Now, honestly…I enjoy a good Deliverance joke as much as the next gal, but would one be proud to have this on his/her desk?
You can go to the site here and hear what Mr. BF says when you stick a pen into him. Sadly, Mr. BF does not a happy switch. He is always sad and never enjoys his forced anal pen.
So, what have we learned today, children? That women sometimes like, and other times don’t like things in their vagina but it doesn’t matter…both are funny. Also, we learned that men never like anything in their butt, but that also doesn’t matter.
“Great Scott”, I mean “Knockers” November 24, 2007
It’s been confusing a lot of women lately. Dang, I can’t get it to embed here. Click on the link for the Heidi Klum Victoria’s Secret ad with her “great knockers”. Anyway, It’s been confusing me lately, for certain. And lilithattack, too.
So, last night I was out with lilith and gerbils and she and I got to talking. We talked about this ad and why, even though we both wanted to like it for some reason, we just couldn’t. I’ll outline the reasons here for me, and although lilith and my arguments both for and against were similar, I am not going to presume to speak for her. Go to her blog…she writes better than me for one thing.
1- arguments for Heidi Klum pretending her boobs are machine guns
I wanted to like this ad. I really did want to. I was very torn watching it. I sat like a dog watching a cat dancing with a top hat on TV…ie. confused and uncomfortable. And I think I figured it out. I wanted to like that ad because it took away some of the mystique that surrounds the female body. The female body has been taken to be such a damn serious thing…sacred…womb bearing…that the humour in it has gone away. Our bodies, if you own one you know this, are hilarious and weird. Nooks, crannies, dampness, dryness, lumps, bumps, humps…my humps, my lovely lady lumps. Check it out: we ought to rejoice in the fact that we can squeeze our boobs and make honking sounds. Sarah Silverman, whom I love, devoted an entire episode of her brilliant show (it is too brilliant) to queefing. These things are important so that men can’t be the only ones that fart.
2- argument against Heidi Klum yelling about her great knockers
Well..she does have great knockers. Actually, in that commercial, they are so big they kinda freak me out. Basically, I think I like the concept of that ad but Heidi Klum is all wrong for the role. And not because she’s blonde, skinny, rich, famous, and gorgeous. It’s because…and I mean no real offense to her…she just doesn’t pull it off for me. She seems, how do I put this…she seems to have that “hot girl” sense of humour, which is less funny and more ‘hey, that hot chick is doing weird shit’. Don’t pretend you didn’t know these girls in high school or your undergrad. Or now, even. I vote for the aforementioned Sarah Silverman. Or Naomi Campbell because that chick has got issues. Or what about less model-y women? Why not make a series of women who love their knockers? How weird would Dita Von Tease be?
Now that I’ve said it, I’m wondering if that’s why the commercial is so heavily edited. Because they filmed HK for an hour and came up with 30 seconds of ‘okay-good-enough-lets-wrap-up’ stuff?
(ugh. Wordpress changed shit and now I’m a bit confused. Sorry if this post looks like ass.)
Truly amazing November 23, 2007
So, I’ve not been around too much lately due to my mad catch-up skillz. I’m in the midst of 3 experiments this week which leaves me many days of full on ‘sperimentin’ and evenings for little more than a/ working or b/ passing out. It’s the end of the semester, you see, and I have papers to write. By way of keeping people coming here, I’m offering this vid. It is absolutely incredible and if your jaw doesn’t drop at some point, then you’re the most hardened mofo I’ve ever come across. Enjoy!