Celeb gossip day May 13, 2007

Well..I guess it seems that Paris is not getting the jail time we all hoped for (not that we hoped for only 45 days, either). But all is not lost. We’ve got Joe Francis miserable in jail…who just might be spending some extra time.

Now…before we go on about him, let’s remind ourselves how loathsome this piece of crap is:

Francis returns from his dance-floor foray. He’s hyper, like a kid on sugar, talking fast. He says he’s discovered the ultimate quarry: a girl who says she will be 17 for just a few more hours and who wants to get wild for the cameras the minute she’s legal. “Girls Gone Wild” crew members can receive a bonus of $1,000 if they discover such a treasure, he shouts happily.

Actually, that’s not the worst of the article I just linked. It makes me feel ill to read the worst of that article on some other site…so I don’t want it on mine.

Okay…here’s our fecal hero now:

“He can’t sleep. He hasn’t eaten properly. He’s prone to anxiety attacks,” his lawyer, Aaron Dyer, said Wednesday night. “I know if it was me, I’d be cold and frustrated. Joe has been breaking down, and Joe Francis does not break down.”

Aww…awwww….AWWWWWW. Joe Francis is breaking down? Awwwwwww….awwwwwwwww.

A federal judge ruled yesterday that Girls Gone Wild empresario and all around ass Joe Francis should be sent to Nevada to face tax evasion charges once he finishes serving his contempt of court sentence in Florida.

Okay…Cele|bitchy is probably not the best source to cite, but it’ll work for now. He’s going to stay in jail longer. Hurrah!

Now…on to the next item.

Awhile back I saw this youtube thing of Akon….I wouldn’t know him if he came up and punched me in the face, actually…but he brought this girl up on stage and dry-humped her like crazy. Crazy. Like, sickeningly crazy. ‘Cept..she was 15. It would have been pretty awful if she had been 20, even…but she was 15. I don’t want the actual youtube thing on my blog, but you can catch it at taht link, I think.

So…look what I found:

The girl’s MySpace page has surfaced. Some fun things she does on her page (which has just been set to private): Claim to be 19. Post pictures of the evening along with the caption, “girls nite out! best time!” Spell many words very, very poorly.

Not that this makes Akon any more of a gentleman, but it does make you wonder exactly what kind of girl this is. Oh wait, we know exactly what kind of girl this is. She tells us on her page:

The writer goes on to cite a thing from that kid’s myspace…oh, hell…I’ll just post it.

“i am really outgoing ,wild,and luvvvv to have fun,luvv to be around frendz and hang out and off course PARTYYY!! i am a professional slacker!I am down to earth..doh take no sh*t from anyone type of girl however most people who don’t give me a chance will plainly say “I’m a BITCH” oh well… ima bitch,ive got class,mess wid me and i’ll kick ur ass!!”

Yeah..so…she’s a kid. She’s a dumb kid. Whatever.

So…are we kinda sorta saying here that she kinda sorta was asking for it because this is the type of girl she is?? We’re kinda sorta blaming a 15 year old kid because her myspace sounds trashy??

Jesus!! I thought we got past that sort of thing!