I cried at work yesterday.
Noooo…no. Not in front of people. After things were okay, I snuck up to the office and called C to cry in his ear.
“That’s the way men do it.” Jennifer Marlowe to Baily Quarters WKRP 198-.
C soothed me, we discussed some options and then he let me go.
I felt like crying some more, so I called my mum. Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately for her, she wasn’t home so I decided to buck up and do some thinkin’. Besides, my dad was probably already asleep.
This may be the beginning of the end of my “career” in film.
Or, it may be a lull.
I can’t tell yet.
What I do know is that I was not expecting the amount of work involved with my choice of schooling. Holy effing crap. There is a ton. And I am very tired.
Mostly, I know, it just feels like there is a ton as I’m only, really, 3-4 weeks into it and haven’t adjusted to all the things that have been thrown at me in those weeks. I’m starting to, but haven’t finished, sharpening my efficiency skills…my reading skills…my attention skills (read that last part like N. Dynamite). Not to mention all those extra things you need to do if yer gonna be part of the program. Gad.
But, after a day of struggling to understand, worrying about things like being ready for Friday’s class, and oh-god-I-have-to-start-my-SSRCH-application, my mind was elsewhere when I made a small mistake that cost 2 hours of straight work and delayed the movie by nearly an hour.
(Dan: I learned that you never try to rewind without the ring in. That lesson was no fun.)
That sucked and I was never so close to quitting that job in my life. I’ve worked there off and on since ’97 and I’ve never come so close to finishing a shift and never coming back.
My boss, afterwards, lectured me on why we never do what I did. Partly, less than half..maybe a quarter, it was his fault. But, whatever, I let him rant on at me because I did cost him money in the long run. He wasn’t abusive…I think he just needed to ‘get it out’. Then I told him to start looking for another person who can run the booth. I didn’t quit…but I made it clear that I can’t have the theatre overshadow what I”m really trying to do. Then I made it so that I wouldn’t have to work this weekend.