I just went for a run, still trying to shed those pounds from a fairly physically inactive winter, and my body let me know in no uncertain terms that it was upset with my choice of activity at that moment and that I ought to reconsider and immediately make my way home – at a much slower pace.
It gave me a blister, stomach cramps and an allergy to the pollen currently floating through our air in order to make it’s point.
I did what it said. And I’m still wheezing.
Aside from all that, however, I had a fantastic day. I took a ‘personal day’ from work, got up at the same time I would if I were going but instead of work, I went to Nellie’s for breakfast. A wonderful breakfast, I might add. Came home, did some knitting then spent the entire afternoon at the university meeting with profs.
Working downtown can be a drag. I walk past no less than 3 buildings that are half or fully torn down on my way down 4th st. It’s grey, it’s noisy, buses fly past at an alarmingly close proximity…
I arrived on campus today -for the first time since my last assignment was due- and it was beautiful…lush lawns, lilacs, students studying on warm patches of grass. I never thought of the UofC campus as a particularly attractive area, but with the warm and still-spring weather…it was like an effing oasis. I called my mum and asked her why I ever leave.
I attended my first, of what hopefully will be many, lab meetings at the Speech Development lab. My prof said I could come and watch the goings on. So cool. I loved it. Discussions on what will be done next, a PhD student presenting experiment proposals that were absolutely fascinating. Then I met with another prof who is helping me catch up on so much theory I’ve missed the past 8-9 years. I left feeling alive and excited again.
Then I ran…but I’ve covered that.
Been a long time since I’ve blogged. I’ve had some ideas and started writing some things, but it really doesn’t work unless it comes organically, hey?
Lilac fest came and went. It’s impossible for me to sit in my apartment when it’s going on…not because I think it’s exciting, it’s not, but because when you’ve got one ‘thing’ going on outside one window and another ‘thing’ going on outside another window, you can go freaking batty. Stupid OJs woke me up with their stupid preparation for their stupid volleyball tournament, so I had a huge hate-on for them all day.
Every year, it seems, I run into probably the one ex-boyfriend that I…well…lets just say that I’ve had a hard time readjusting my view of the fairness and justness of a universe that allows someone like him to continue on in fairly good health and living in a way that does not cause him pain every day.
Holy crap…I just reread that. That’s harsh. Ha! But continue on…
However…I think this time I’ve managed to stop my bile from rising. Let me say here that my feelings of revulsion every time I hear his name do not come from any feelings of loss. Oh no no no. I thank my lucky stars every day that he found someone he wanted to cheat on me with which called for the demise of our relationship (and I hope she thanks her lucky stars that he found someone to cheat on her causing their breakup…she’s in a much better place now and I hope she knows it…she seems like a nice girl, she definitely deserves better). It was this breakup that signalled the beginning of a complete overhaul of my life…the aim being to get the hell away from people like him.
No…my reason for such a strong reaction was twofold. Firstly, I never really quite got over the humiliation of being with him. It’s embarrassing the things I put up with and I can only point to my weakened state at the time as any sort of excuse for allowing him in my life. Secondly, and this is part of the lesson my time reexamining my life has taught me, bad people don’t deserve kindness from me.
I know a whole lot of creeps. Creeps that at one time I felt the need to impress. Creeps that convinced me that some things were ‘okay’ when they were not.
Step one, get creeps out of life. Check. Step two, don’t pretend that you approve of their behaviour or ideals by being kind. Check.
Step two actually has come quite naturally, as my story about flipping the bird to an old acquaintance in Safeway that I wrote about earlier and am too lazy to link to has shown. So when, as it seems I do every lilac fest, good ol’ rockadorky walks by with his usual I-hope-we-can-one-day-be-friends half smile, it is quite a natural reaction for me to counter with my, what I now call, squeegie-kid-at-my-windshield look.
And for that look, go to the mirror and pretend that a squeegie kid has just started on your windshield while you were busy toying with the radio or fan or something. It’s kinda like that defeated, unwelcoming, unhappy, faintly surprised, my-god-this-is-lame, how-akward look you get.
But you know what? Out of the corner of my eye, I saw the new girl. Small, retronaught, young…and he just looked like an aging, pathetic, slightly closeted man. In the entire time I knew him, he never really had any sort of style or personality he could call his own…just a bunch of things he put together to make some people think he was cool.
I then realized that on the scale of honour it is better to be hated than pittied…so I pity him.
Anyway…that was far too much space dedicated to poor pitiable fartface, so we won’t be discussing him anymore.
I think I’ll go take a bath now….I love my new eucalyptus bubbles!