The other day I was at work, and this happened:
Mavis: sorta shares a workspace with me. She can be bitchy, but after awhile I’ve gotten to really like her. She is 57 and never married…and seems to like it that way.
Larry: creepy creepy creepy. Not lecherous, but inappropriately open about his sexuality. Apparently used to ‘swing’ when he was married. With whom, I have no clue…baboons? they swing. So do bonobos, I hear.
of course, names have been changed to protect…well, me.
Anyway…Mavis and Larry are friends, and Mavis called Larry in his office to ask him to a craft show this (next?) weekend.
From what I heard from her end of the phonecall, I was able to figure out that his answer was, ‘Can’t. I’m a pathetic creep and I have to go to a sex show at the Roundup Centre because I have the need to let everyone know I am a sexual being. It turns me on to think of you thinking of me having lots of weird sex.’
Or something like that.
I’m good at reading between the lines.
Then, obviously, he invited her and lept out of his chair, sex pamphlet in hand, to run down and show her (and me, ’cause I sit next to her) his dirty little weekend plan.
“Yeah…it’s a lot of fun. You should go. I never miss a year….yadda…yadda…open minded…yadda yadda….sex toys…yadda yadda…”
When I was younger, I used to think this sort of thing was cool.
Of course you want to check out what people are doing. Sex is so taboo in so many ways, that you want to look behind those drawn curtains…get giddy and giggly…all that sorta stuff.
Then…you realize a few things:
1- Unless you are ~super~ hot, almost NO ONE wants to picture you have sex. Your significant other, those who have crushes on you…and perhaps the odd freak you meet on the bus. Certainly not if you are a 40’ish divorcee cruisin’ a sex ‘conference’ with a group of buddies patting yourself on the back for having an ‘open mind’.
2- a sex conference at the Roundup Centre is going to be filled with the same type of person I described above. And a few hired hot people.
3- you know how creepy sex shops are? Think of that but 100x.
4- no one cares if you’re ‘open minded’ or not. No one really wants to hear about it.
ack. tired of listing.
My point is that after awhile one…well, I obviously can’t speak for everyone here, so ‘me’…
My point is that after awhile I came to the conclusion that sex was a private thing, and should remain so. I’ve told stories to friends about past experiences..and some of them are damn funny…but I wouldn’t dream of discussing my and my bf’s sex life with anyone.
So, if you want to go to a huge sex-raviganza…shut up about it. Espeically at work. Tell your close friends, they probably care. I don’t.
But…why go? If you want to know about sex, we have a HUGE internet that can tell you everything you need to know and you don’t need to go meet anyone face to face to hear them discuss their product or technique in a frank yet grody manner.
Don’t get me wrong. I’m grateful that we’re living in a society where people can be open enough to discuss their problems. Even for entertainment. I guess the difference is that I get to choose to read or look at what I want, but at work I’ve got to listen to perv-boy describe his sex-filled weekend.
The sex show…well..whatever. I just think those things are gross. I will bet $50 that anything in there is going to be about as clever, original, insightful or hot as the headlines on a Cosmo cover and tons of people are going to go just ’cause they want to ‘expand’ their minds…sexually speaking.